Somebody told me recently they can’t believe that God would do this to us. It’s so unfair.

I struggled with that too at first; that lie that “God does things to get our attention.” I don’t believe God did this to us. Did He know it would happen? I believe He did. Do I believe He caused it? No, I absolutely do not.

Have I been angry? Yes! Do I still get angry? I’m sure I will, but focusing on that takes away the joy of feeling my Sweet Pea dance in my womb. I have so much to be joyful about. I was told 19 years ago I would never get pregnant. What do doctors know? They weren’t right then and they may not be right now. Who knows? But I can’t live in anger.

There are so many scriptures about God being a Good Father – one says that if His child asks for a fish He will not give him a snake. Cruelty is not in His character.

For whatever reason, my age (40) or something unknown, they believe our Sweet Pea has a genetic abnormality. It breaks my heart, but blaming God cannot be my solution. Trusting Him to walk my Beloved and I through it is the only solution.

God never promised He wouldn’t give us more than we could bear.

I used to believe that statement. I don’t now. He says His burden is light and His yoke is easy. He is our burden bearer. He carries us when life and circumstances get too big for us. He is our strength. His arm is not too short to save our sweet baby; it’s nothing for Him to do that. All He has to do is think it. I don’t believe He is testing our faith (another thing well-meaning people share). I think through this situation we are learning to have faith in a way I have never experienced or wanted too. But I trust Him, I really do.

I’m afraid and I’ve been so angry because we have prayed for so long very specifically over the health of our baby and all of the things we have prayed for are the things that are missing. But that is not God’s fault. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. He cannot have my joy, he cannot kill my hope and he will not destroy my faith in the God who has saved my soul. I won’t allow it!!!

When Ron and I were first talking after we were pregnant, the biggest thing to us was that God had entrusted a soul to us, not just a baby, but a living soul that will endure forever. He has entrusted us with this soul. What is our soul’s purpose? To bring glory and honor to God despite our circumstances, successes or failures.

This is what our beloved London Joy is doing. She has so many people praying for her. People who do not know God are praying for and believing with us. Women have shared their stories and I’ve been able to pray with them for healing of their hearts. Our doctors have seen us refuse to take the easy way out and know we are trusting for more. Do I hate this? Yes, I hate being afraid and out of control. The truth is I’ve never been in control.

We will continue to stand on, sing out and pray for miracles knowing that God is our Good Father; when we cannot see what He is doing we can be sure He is still working. These are the things that I am learning to cling to.

On my super dark, can’t-cry-any-more-tears nights, I know I’m/we’re being lifted. That is so overwhelmingly precious and humbling to me/us.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” -Romans 5:5 (NLT)

#prayforsweetpea #londonjoy